


Transparent

by janus_manus



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Trans, Trans Character, non-binary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-10 11:48:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20134972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janus_manus/pseuds/janus_manus
Summary: Patton reveals a secret to Logan, and they work through the situation together.





	1. Chapter 1

“Logan?”

Logan looked up from his book to see Patton standing across the room.

“Patton, do you need anything?”

“Can I sit down?”

Logan nodded, moving to on side of the couch, leaning on the armrest and pulling his legs closer to him. Patton slipped onto the other side of the couch, crossing his legs. He fidgeted with his thumbs, looking down at his lap. Logan placed a bookmark in his book and set it off to the side.

“What is it?” Logan said, leaning forward. 

“I don’t know who else to tell, but I’ve decided I have to tell someone.”

Logan reached forward and took Patton’s hand. “Okay.”

“So, I’ve known this, this thing for awhile. For years. And I never understood it, right? I thought I was just dreaming something up.”

“Okay?”

“But, I…”

Logan looked at Patton, who was still staring at his lap. He took Patton’s chin and gently lifted his head to meet his eyes. Logan may not have emotions as passionately as others, but he was intelligent, and knew how to take care of them.

“I think I’m trans. It doesn’t make sense. Thomas is a guy. I, ah, I’m sorry. Sorry I didn’t mean to--”

Logan put his finger over Patton’s lips. “It’s okay. I get it. Don’t apologise, okay?”

Patton pulled away, lowering his head, trying to conceal the tears escaping his eyes.

“Patton, I always suspected one of us may not be a guy. No one’s gender is perfect, human brains just don’t fit inside the mold. As a gay man, some parts of Thomas’s brain aren’t entirely male, I think that you may just be representing that, the imperfectness of his gender.” Logan reached his hand out again, moving closer to Patton. Patton carefully held out a hand. “Patton, do you want to tell me your pronouns. 

“I think she? I think I’m nonbinary, but more feminine.”  
Logan nodded. “That makes sense.”

Suddenly Patton erupted, tears streaming from hi--her eyes. She fell upon Logan, clenching his torso. “I’m sorry.”

Logan pulled her close. “Don’t be sorry, this is hard. You’ve had to keep this in for so long, it’s natural that you’d be really emotion when you finally came out.”

***  
The two stayed on the couch for many hours. The two talked about Patton’s gender, Thomas, when she should come out, and also a few cartoon shows. The heart and the mind may not always agree on everything, but they were still friends, and Logan wasn’t going to let his friend have a hard time.

As the weeks went by, Logan and Patton spent hours of free time with each other. Patton had chosen to keep her name, but there were a thousand other things she had to think about. The two would spend long nights playing dress up and experimenting with pronouns. Sometimes they would just talk. Sometimes about Patton’s gender, or sometimes just about other things.

A few months past, and Logan materialized in Patton’s room carrying a flower for her hair.

“Hey Pat.” He slipped the flower behind her ear, and she blushed. He then flopped onto the couch. “How are you feeling?” He asked as Patton sat down beside him.

“I want to come out to the others.”

“Okay,”

“How--how should I do that?”

“Well, I should probably be there to explain the whole ‘gender is not perfect, Thomas is gay’ thing.”

“Yeah.”

“Listen, I think we should all just get together and you say your peace. I’m sure everyone will be super understanding.” Logan put his hand on her shoulder. “How about… I’ll get everyone together while you dress in a way that reflects your gender, then I’ll explain the situation--minus the fact you’re a transfeminine non-binary person--then you can pop up and say your piece.”

Patton looked at the ground. 

“It really doesn;t have to be anything much, okay? They’ll accept you no matter what.”  
She smiled. “Okay!”

***  
“Logan, I don’t have anything wrong, do I? Why are we all here?” Thomas asked, looking around at the sides. Virgil, Logan, and Roman, even Deceit had appeared, but Patton was nowhere to be seen.

“Thomas.” Thomas turned to Logan. “This is a matter of importance.”

Logan pulled a large diagram of a brain from somewhere, Thomas couldn’t tell where he got it from. He soon jumped into a heavy lecture on gender and sexuality that Thomas couldn’t understand half of, but the general takeaway was that gender was not perfect and that gay guys are kind of like girls?

“Logan, what is your point?” Asked Roman from across the room. 

“My point is, that Thomas does not have a perfectly male brain, no one does, therefore, there may be differences of gender within his own personality.”

Thomas began to piece things together, “So does that mean…”

Suddenly Patton sprung into the circle, wearing a skirt over her usual shirt, as well as a small bra. She was wearing light makeup, and she twirled in a circle. “Hi Thomas!” She said brightly.

Thomas turned to Logan. “Patton here, and she is keeping her name, if you’re wondering, is a transfeminine non-binary person, and she represents the ‘imperfections’ of your masculinity.”

Thomas, looked around, not entirely understanding. “Well, I don’t really get what Logan is saying--”

“How, it’s so simple?!”

“But I support you Patton, if this is who you are, then, this is who you are.”

Virgil spoke up “Also, i love the skirt.”

Patton blushed and looked at the ground, but quickly made eye contact with Virgil. “How can you see it, if I’m…

transparent.”

Badum tss.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan is feeling down, and it takes a close friend to remind him that everything is okay.

He could get a new book soon.

He was in the mind palace, he didn’t have to pay for that book.

That book wasn’t even real.

And still, Logan Sanders was laying on the couch for three hours thinking about his ruined copy of  _ The Jungle _ . His heart was heavy, the motivation to do anything just wasn’t there. He was… frustrated. Frustrated at Roman for spilling coffee on his book, but also frustrated at himself for feeling… frustrated. 

Suddenly he felt himself being pulled from the couch and he was launched into Thomas’ living room and found himself surrounded by the rest of the sides. “Logan!” Patton said, her eyes beaming at the sight of him.

Logan had to pull himself together if Thomas was having troubles, so he took a deep breath and turned to him. “Thomas, what have you called me here for.”

“Uuugh… I really want to help Joan with this project, but I’ve been having trouble sleeping and I don’t know if I’ll have the energy.”

Of course most of the sides had agreed that he should help Joan. Roman “for the honor”, Paton, because “of course, they’re your best friend”. Virgil was sort of neutral. Eventually the group settled on a plan to try and sleep better, and they decided to send Joan a tentative agreement to help. 

It was a small problem, and it was solved quickly, but Logan felt a little bit of his blood boil every second they weren’t making progress, or every time someone didn’t hear his advice. They were overthinking it, and it dragged on for a good twenty minutes.

When finally Thomas seemed satisfied with a solution to his problem, he gave a nod to the sides and walked off to get some sleep. 

“Well, I hope to see you all again soon, and hopefully not when Thomas has a problem. Maybe I’ll make cookies!” Patton said, a wide smile on her face as she sunk out. 

“Wait, Patton, I’m coming with you so you don’t burn the house down!” Virgil said, just before sinking out.

“Well,” Roman struck a pose to sink out with, “I’ll see you again Jupi-turd.” Logan didn’t have the energy or thought to respond before Roman sunk out. 

Logan sunk out silently, glad to be done with the whole ordeal. Still, however, he didn’t feel... normal. He still felt frustrated, but now he felt something else. He was emotionally exhausted from the meeting, and he could feel weight in his chest.

He laid back out on the couch in his room, pausing for a moment to reflect on the situation.  _ Why am I feeling like this?  _ It was strange, he’d slept well, ate well, nothing was particularly wrong. There was no reason for him to feel… feelings. 

_ Is this, dare I say, sadness? This sinking, tired feeling?  _ Logan brushed off the thought, but it bugged him as he went to his bookshelf and conjured a new copy of  _ The Jungle.  _

***

The night went on, and Logan laid on the couch reading his book. Thomas had gone to bed hours ago. Suddenly, a cheery looking Patton sprung up on the other side of the room. She was carrying a dish of chocolate chip cookies.

“Logan! I made cookies, and I figured you’d probably want some. They’re still warm!” She put them on the coffee table and fell onto the couch. She pulled her legs up and sat cross-legged across from Logan. She grabbed a cookie from the plate and held it out to Logan.

“Hey Patton.” He took the cookie, and laid down his book. He forced a slight smile, and then took a bite of the cookie. It was soft and warm, and the chocolate chips melted in Logan’s mouth.

“Virgil helped.”

“They’re good.” 

Patton beamed at Logan’s words and took a cookie for herself. Logan looked down.  _ Patton made these great cookies, and came to give me some, and you can barely work up a smile? _ Logan tried again to force a smile, but it still felt fake. “Thanks Patton.”

“Anytime, kid.”

There was a moment of silence as the two ate their cookies. Logan felt he should say something, but he couldn’t find any words that would spark conversation.

“Hey Logan?” Patton’s voice was soft and warm, and her eyes were full of caring and kindness. She placed her hand on Logan’s shoulder. “You were really quiet today, is everything okay?”

“It’s fine.” He shook off Patton’s hand and laid back into the couch, avoiding eye contact.  _ I’m the voice of reason, I have to be perfect. Feelings are… imperfections. And even more if the others knew, it would throw everything off.  _ Logan glanced up at Patton, wishing he could say something.  _ No one would take you seriously. _ He shook off his thoughts and leaped into a ran on  _ The Jungle.  _

“Upton Sinclair does this amazing thing with  _ The Jungle,  _ where he represents the many…” As Logan ranted, he noticed Patton gazing at him. She probably doesn’t understand a thing he’s saying, but she knows how to make someone feel listened to. Suddenly, Logan stops.

“That sure sounds like a cool book.” She said, smiling.

“It is.” He looked down. “Roman spilled coffee on my first copy, I had to make a new one.”

“But it doesn’t matter!” Logan continued, feigning indifference, “It was a mild inconvenience.”

“Yeah, but sometimes mild inconveniences can ruin your whole day.”

Logan shrugged, but his heart skipped a beat.

Patton unfolded her legs and moved closer to Logan so that their thighs were touching. She laid back so that they were side by side. She took his hand. “Hey.” 

Logan looked at her, but quickly turned away. She gently grabbed his face and pulled him back. She then pulled her legs back onto the couch so that she was facing him. “Whatever it is, it’s alright. You don’t have to tell me if you really don’t want to, but I’m still here, no matter what.”

_ Crap.  _

_ Should I talk to her? _

“I… It’s nothing.” Logan said, pushing his glasses up his face.

“It’s not nothing, because it’s obviously bothering you.”

Logan sighed. “It’s just… I haven’t been feeling… good. Not for any particular reason, I’ve just been feeling… bad.”

“Well, sometimes people feel bad, but you shouldn’t hide it.”

“But I’m the voice of reason, if I’m not in a good shape then… and it’s even worse if the others know because… they won’t take me seriously and--”

“Hey, it’s not going to be like that. Everyone has hard times sometimes, the others know that. If you don’t tell anyone, we can’t help you!” Patton squeezed Logan’s hand. “Listen. I used to think that I had a responsibility to be cheery and bright all the time. I was ‘Dad’. I had to make everyone feel better. I would hide when I was sad--I still do, a lot--because I thought that if the others knew I was sad, everything would be… bad.”

Logan looked up at Patton. She continued, “You don’t have to hide, you aren’t making anything better, really you’re just going to make yourself miserable. Trust me, when you hide it, it just gets… worse.” Her voice cracked a touch on her last word, and Logan could see her eyes become glassy.” She put her head down.

“You’re right, Patton. I didn’t really realize what…” He trailed off. He could feel his eyes become watery, and a soft tear rolled down his cheek. His instinct was to hide it, but Patton reached up her hand and wiped it away.

The two smiled at each other. A weight had been lifted from Logan’s chest, he felt. Warmth spread through as he pulled his friend into a hug.

“Promise not to hide our feelings?” Logan said.

“Yeah, I promise.”


End file.
